The Adventures of Roscoe Tosscobble Presents: The Oaken Box of Doom Part III: Dungeons, Dealings, and Dwarfs

Editors Note: The following is (supposedly) based on actual events. Roscoe Tosscobble has agreed to let me post tales of his Travels on the condition that I leave them unaltered in any way. Please forgive Roscoe for any spelling or grammar errors, as he is a busy man having many adventures. ~InkLikeUrine

The Oaken Box of Doom Part III: Dungeons, Dealings, and Dwarfs

After escaping the dastardly drow by way of the cave network below the watchtower, Roscoe and party found a small chamber in the caverns below, and decided to take a rest. Sleeping through the night, the party awoke at the sounds of scuttling, upon investigation, the party discovered a young elf maiden by the name of Nimue who was seeking Roscoe’s aid. Roscoe grew suspicious, women like Roscoe, but rarely seek him out without ill intent…. However, she appeared in genuine need of help, so the part took her in, and they set about finding a way to Anvil.

Traveling through the caves beneath the tower, the party met a beardless dwarf by the name of Drasun Finkleborn III, whom had an edge to his eyes and a bit of nose powder in his pocket. Roscoe convinced the part to follow Drasun, and after short order they met some dastardly thugs who he happened to have stolen from. Escaping the thugs with a simple but entrancing tune from 2077 on his harmonica, Drasun began leading the party through the dungeon in earnest. After a few days, with the party tired and hungry, Drasun, the fiend, tried to extort an exuberant amount of money from Roscoe and his party. After some “aggressive negotiations” Roscoe ends up shooting him in the leg and persuading Drasun to see reason, while holding a knife to his throat. With the promise of pain should Drasun try to double cross Roscoe, and the promise of gold should he do it swiftly, he led them out of the dark mines right to the gates of Anvil. Roscoe, being the man of generosity that he is, paid Drasun and sent him on his merry way.

But alas! Another obstacle presented itself upon reaching the gates of Anvil. The dwarfs were inspecting each and every person for the presence of magic items, considering them to be of their property! So, banishing is inter-dimensional blade, Roscoe came up with a cunning plan to hide the Oaken Box of Doom in a sack of rice being carried by a half retarded Orc. And of course Roscoe was then submitted to a “Random inspection”, by the racist dwarven gate guard. Upon a most…thorough inspection, the inspector confiscated Roscoe’s precious medicine.

    While looking for a Artificer to improve a couple minor magical items, Roscoe set up a book signing for a discount by wooing the lovely half elf behind the counter at Meridia’s Marvelous Magical Musings. Rosoe was so successful, that he let the party deal with other matters on their own for once, against his better judgement, and took Meridia out on a date. It turns out she used to be “Meridia the Mage”, a mage of some small local renown, they had a generally lovely time together. In the morning, Roscoe left a letter for her on her pillow and went to set back out on his adventure, for Roscoe is beholden to no one.

Will Roscoe deliver the Oaken Box? Where did his comrades go? When will he finally procure a new grappling hook! Find out this and more in the next episode of Roscoe Tosscobble, Gentleman Adventurer!

The Adventures of Roscoe Tosscobble Presents: The Oaken Box of Doom Part II: Three Spiders and an Orc OR The Dastardly Drow Dilemma

Editors Note: The following is (supposedly) based on actual events. Roscoe Tosscobble has agreed to let me post tales of his Travels on the condition that I leave them unaltered in any way. Please forgive Roscoe for any spelling or grammar errors, as he is a busy man having many adventures. ~InkLikeUrine

The Oaken Box of Doom Part II: Three Spiders and an Orc OR The Dastardly Drow Dilemma

Having set out on his journey, Roscoe Toscobble (adventurer extraordinaire) was fast approaching the foothills of the giant walk mountains. Whilst enjoying a pleasant ride Roscoe heard the mighty quail of Giant Flying Sand Wyrm. His compatriots felt, rather foolishly, that it was a dragon. Nothing Roscoe said could assuage their fears. Why, just 6 years ago Roscoe had ridden one of the beasts and found them to be quite gentle once you learned where they licked to be scratched (behind the ears). With an inward sigh, lamenting the loss of the serenity in the ride, Roscoe finally gave into the urging of his compatriots to push for a hard ride to the mountains.

Finally having reached the foothills, the Monkey-Monk found a suitable cave for weathering the elements. Thus the party hunkered down for the evening. Weary from the rigors of travel, the party rested whilst the valiant Roscoe Tosscobble kept the first two watches to keep an eye out for danger. During his second watch, being the noted man of danger he is, Roscoe took notice of a large force of Kobolds that had come to secure the box from the party. They fiends had come prepared, with no less than three trolls, two war chiefs, and several footmen. However, once Roscoe woke the party and rushed to intercept the dastardly foes, he quickly became like a leaf on the wind, dashing and deadly, rolling and weaving twix his foes like a whirlwind of death. The Kobolds where short and easy work before his might and finesse.

The next morn, a mighty bridge had been worn away by dastardly stone-rots disease. Upon discovery of the bridge, Roscoe and party set out to find an alternate route. In the ensuing search, the party found a old observation tower with a cave system underneath. Though the caves were free of occupants, it was clear from the bones and dead bodies, that they had been not-so-vacant recently. Moving along to the top of the decrepit forgotten tower Roscoe and company discovered a drow army lying in wait at the base. They issued Roscoe a personal challenge, the fools, and failed to quake in the fear befitting them once learning that Roscoe was their adversary. The pressed the attack, despite Roscoes’ vehement warnings. Using his superior intellect, Roscoe devised a daring escape using 2 barrels of 100 year old ale, some rope, a hole, and some stairs, with just a smidgen of fire included to keep it memorable. Cutting his way to freedom, and smiting the fools who dared impede his path, Roscoe learned the identity of his devious foes, the dreaded Shadowfang! And what’s more, this particular attack was being led by one of their ten nefarious leaders, the Orc Assasin Wormrot Candasin!

Using some ingenuity that the other members of the part seemed to lack, Roscoe managed to  stun and poison the dreaded leader, but not before Leariah was tainted by the mongrels poisoned blade. Upon retrieving the Oaken Box from the noble paladin, she bravely stood at the entrance to the passage way, fighting off three blood spiders to cover the parties escape, letting them disappear into the depths below.

What became of Leariah’s body? Where is the party headed to now? How will they ever reach Anvil from the depths of the earth itself? And when will Roscoe aquire a new trustworty grappling hook? Find out this in more in the next installment of Roscoe Tosscobble, Gentleman Adventurer!

Found Roscoe!!

He seemed to be on the run from a group of cyborg assassins and had found refuge in a Turkish brothel located somewhere in Albania. Anyway, I managed to wrest the scripts off of him for the final three Oaken Box of Doom entries and will be putting them up as soon as I can make out his handwriting.

One of the pages seems to be smeared in a viscous green substance….

Anyway, more soon!

-Ink

Roscoe Tosscobble Gentleman Adventurer Presents: The Adventures of Roscoe Tosscobble: The Oaken Box of Doom Part I: Of Gnomes and Men

Editors Note: The following is (supposedly) based on actual events. Roscoe Tosscobble has agreed to let me post tales of his Travels on the condition that I leave them unaltered in any way. Please forgive Roscoe for any spelling or grammar errors, as he is a busy man having many adventures. ~InkLikeUrine

The Oaken Box of Doom Part I: Of Gnomes and Men

Once, not so very long ago, the dashing, inter dimensional time-traveler, half ling Roscoe Tosscobble saved a gnome from evil followers of shadow. The Gnome, bleeding profusely, begged Roscoe for his help upon recognizing his face and knowing that Roscoe was just the sort of man the Gnome needed. After absconding the gnome to safety, Roscoe was tasked with delivering an oaken box filled with dark and powerful magic to the elven queen, unopened. As the gnome lay bleeding in Roscoe’s arms,  a dozen assassins burst into the room demanding the box! Roscoe rallied his friends — a mortal undead raised by the Lich King himself, a half-man half-monkey Monk, a powerful wizard, a fairy of unsettling stature, and a once elemental human– and dealt with them in a swift and heroic manner. To cover their leaders’ escape the rest of the assassins, those not swiftly dealt with at least, set fire to the tavern Roscoe and friends were hiding the gnome in.

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The Adventures of Roscoe Tosscobble

Over the next few weeks, on every other Tuesday, we are going to be doing a short review of the collected series of works, written and experienced firsthand (mostly) by the dashing, debonair, halfling rouge Roscoe Tosscobble!

Roscoe Tosscobble in:

  1.  LEAGUE OF A THOUSAND SHADOWS
  2. A LAND TIME FORGOT
  3. THE FORGOTTEN LEGACY
  4. THE KENTUCKY WARBLER
  5. THE FLIGHT OF THE OCTOPUS OF INCONGRUITY
  6. THE FLIGHT OF THE OCTOPUS OF INCONGRUITY PT2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO
  7. THE FLIGHT OF THE OCTOPUS OF INCONGRUITY PART THREE: DIE HARDER
  8. THE MURDER OF THE CLOCKWORK GEISHA
  9. “PRIVATE” INVESTIGATOR
  10. THE CITY CARVED OF STONE
  11. THE BLOOD FEUD WITH CHARLES THE GATE GUARD
  12. THE ELDRITCH COURT JESTER WHO COULD NOT BE SILENT
  13. AN ADVENTURE THROUGH TIME, AND OTHER THINGS
  14. THE TUSKED TERROR OF TORFAN
  15. THE OAKEN BOX OF DOOM
  16. THE MAN WITH A THOUSAND FACES, BUT ONLY ONE MUSTACHE
  17. THE TECHNOMANCER NECROMANCER
  18. THE ELF OF THE FORGOTTEN BRONZE MOUNTAIN
  19. ATTACK OF THE BRONZE STATUE
  20. THE WARP RIDER OF CENTURION IV
  21. THEN, NOW, AND UNTIL THE END
  22. AND THE MYSTERY OF THE MULTIVERSE
  23. AND THE GNOMUS GENOCIDUS